Having survived the polar vortex these past few weeks, I can think of a number of challenging feats and obstacles deserving of gold medals, and I’m sure anyone else living on the eastern seaboard knows what I’m talking about. So I’m proposing some new events for the 2018 Winter Olympics—because let’s face it, the 2014 Winter Olympics are “Sochi” thing of the past.
1. Lasting a whole day with dry socks.
2. Navigating the streets of NYC without accidentally poking someone’s eye out with your umbrella.
3. Navigating the streets of NYC without losing an eye to a fellow pedestrian’s umbrella.
4. Singing “Let it Go” from Frozen in the shower, without crying when you realize that your voice will never be as good as Idina Menzel’s. Never.
5. Lasting a 3 ½ hour drive that normally takes 20 minutes, in a blizzard, without cursing.
6. Passing a Starbucks without going inside and ordering something either gingerbread, peppermint, or pumpkin flavored. (Ditto to butterbeer.)
7. Walking in an icy parking lot (or any outdoor space) without slipping and falling on your duff.
8. Not eating every food in sight when you’re stuck inside on a snowy day.
9. Driving past a snowman without saying “Awwww!” and reminiscing about your childhood.
10. Sitting through an entire hockey game without thinking about the movie Miracle, and silently daydreaming of the day Kurt Russell agrees to be your life coach.