Bro, You Dropped This!

Happy Saturday!  This video's a real gem if you use your imagination.  Blake Anderson: World's Nicest Guy.

Movie Scenes That Always Make Me Cry

I don't know what my deal is, but lately the most random things can bring me to tears.

This is particularly embarrassing since I come from a family of stoics.  For instance, my brother has cried once in his lifetime.  Once.  It was at the end of The Green Mile, and it was a single, glistening tear.  Meanwhile, my crying looks something like this:

See, the Beek from the Creek knows what I'm talking about.

So, without further ado, here is a list of movie scenes that, embarrassingly, make me cry like a damn baby every time I watch them.  You may want to have your tissues at the ready...



1. The First Ten Minutes of Up

I will never forgive Pixar for emotionally investing me in this adorable couple's love story (which spanned like 70 years) and then promptly killing off Ellie ten minutes into the movie.  Not cool Pixar.  Not cool.




2. When Fred Weasley Dies in The Deathly Hallows Part II

Sad in the movie, heart-wrenching in the book, this moment had me 50 shades of sniffly.  Why, J.K. Rowling?  Why?




3. The Last Scene in The Notebook

Let the waterworks begin.  I've seen this movie more times than I care to admit, and this scene drives me to ugly weeping every time.  It also makes me think how ironic it would be if Ryan Gosling grew up to look exactly like James Garner as an old man.  And that makes me cry some more.




4. When Rhett Butler Cries After Scarlett's Accident

Much like seeing someone yawn makes me also feel the urge to yawn, seeing Clark Gable cry makes me sob like a newborn baby.  Scarlett doesn't deserve this beautiful, perfect man. <3  Though he could stand to lose that mustache.




5. When Mufasa Dies in The Lion King

Good gravy, I'm getting misty just writing about this.  The Lion King was the first movie I ever saw in theaters (I was 4) and I still haven't fully come to terms with Mufasa's death.  I know he's in a better place now with the "great kings of the past", but the thought that he will never playfully wrestle with Simba again still fills me with despair.  Oh well, that's "the circle of life" I suppose.  Too soon?



I couldn't end this post on such a dismal note, so here is one more movie scene that makes me tear, but in a happy way!

Bonus: Mark's Confession to Juliet in Love Actually

 

Perhaps a wildly inappropriate confession of love, since Juliet is married to Mark's best friend, but adorable and tear-inducing nonetheless.  Happy holidays!

Why Do All Guys Obsess Over The Lord of the Rings?

Seriously.  I'm not judgy, but a bunch of little men with pointy ears chasing after jewelry for 3 hours?

Every time these movies come up in conversation, every guy in the room freaks out over how awesome they are.  And it makes me feel like Ben Wyatt from Parks and Rec, when everyone in Pawnee is flipping out over Lil' Sebastian--the miniature horse--and he has no idea why.  "It's kind of a small horse.  I mean, what am I missing?"  My thoughts exactly.

I know everyone has their thing, and I respect other people's interests and all.  But these LOTR-loving guys don't just love the movies.  They get mad and angsty towards anyone that has less than the highest level of LOTR enthusiasm.  My own brother looked like he wanted to set me on fire and throw me into a volcano yesterday when I told him I thought The Lord of the Rings was silly.  (Which I do.) (Because it is.) (Sorry Steve.)

In conclusion, please enjoy this clip from Clerks 2 which expresses a lot of my thoughts on The Lord of the Rings trilogy, in much more colorful terms.  Thanks to my wonderful brother-in-law for sharing this gem with me!  Young readers beware, the below is pretty much wildly inappropriate.

KLM Meet & Seat

Just read about this in my marketing textbook and can't decide if it's super awesome or slightly creepy. (Leaning towards super awesome!)  KLM Royal Dutch Airlines has a program called Meet & Seat that passengers can opt into, where you can view the Facebook or LinkedIn profiles of fellow passengers prior to your flight, allowing you to choose who to sit next to based on shared interests, networking potential, etc.  You have up until 1 hour before departure time to look through the pictures and bios of your fellow travelers--provided they have also opted into this program--and choose your seat accordingly.  So cool!

KLM defends that this program is geared towards encouraging networking opportunities among passengers... Cards on the table, I would be totally tempted to use this for scoping out hotties and orchestrating inflight "meet-cutes."  At the very least, it would be a nice tool to help me avoid being seated next to an older gentleman who alternates between sniffing his snuff box, hitting on me, and informing me of all the ways his Kindle is superior to my Nook.  (That was a long flight...)

And this isn't the first time KLM has put other airlines to shame with crazy cool social media programs.  Back in 2010 they ran a "Surprise" campaign to reward passengers for using Foursquare to check into KLM terminals at Amsterdam Schipol Airport.  Once they identified a passenger who had checked in and was waiting to board, the KLM Surprise team would research this person by reviewing their social media profiles, then find a gift catered towards their interests or travel destination, and give the gift to the passenger at boarding time.  Delightful!

Jet Blue and a few other American airlines are known for being responsive and helpful to customer inquiries through Twitter, but the Dutch have really set the bar high with these awesome social media programs.  I may have to book a flight to Amsterdam soon. :)

The Onion's 2008 Miley Cyrus Predictions--Spot On

They don't call it "America's Finest News Source" for nothing.

Back in 2008, The Onion posted the below video--a hilarious look at the probable trajectory of Miley Cyrus's career.  Keep in mind that 2008 was the height of the Hanna Montana craze--before the creepy teddy bears, salvia, and twerking--when Cyrus was still an innocent Disney tween.

However, The Onion News Network predicted that by 2013, Cyrus's entertainment value would be drained, pushing her towards a bleak fate of wild behavior and public stunts seen by many former teen starlets, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan among them.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that The Onion is in possession of an actual working crystal ball, but this prediction was pretty scary accurate.

I Hope They Serve "Weird" in Hell

I realize I'm about 7 years late to the party, but I finally started reading I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.  And I have to say, I was decently horrified at first.  Yes, Tucker Max is sometimes hilarious, but he's also kind of a disgusting and terrible person.  I'm not the easily offended type.  In fact, offensive humor is usually my favorite kind. (i.e. Daniel Tosh, Family Guy, Always Sunny, etc.)  But Tucker Max stretches beyond my offensive comfort zone--something that, until reading his book, I thought was impossible.

So, I found myself sitting on the train home last night, 70 pages in, when disappointment reared its ugly head.  I sort of hate this Tucker Max guy.  I don't think I can get through another 200 something pages of him.  I can't believe I spent $14.99 on this.  I hope the guy sitting next to me doesn't have good enough eyesight to see the sexcapade I'm currently reading.

However, being the granddaughter of a depression-era Irish woman who can stretch a dollar from here to California, I realized that giving up on the book midway through wasn't an option.  I dropped significant cashola on this bad boy (mind you, I'm a student--$14.99 is significant) and dammit, I was going to get my money's worth and soldier on through this monstrosity if it killed me.

The fates must have smiled upon me for my thrifty thinking, because suddenly, something wonderful happened.  As I resumed my reading, the mental image I had been carrying of Tucker Max while I read--an arrogant, weasely tool--transformed into an image of someone far preferable.  Enter: Adam Devine.

 

Whenever I read fiction, I--like most people--create my own mental picture of what the protagonist looks like, and that's who I picture while reading.  Sure, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell is nonfiction (allegedly) so the protagonist is a real person, but why not apply the same concept and create my own mental image of the protagonist?

Replacing Tucker's face with Adam's has turned this whole book around for me.  I love Adam Devine--he's so goofy and charming that he could say or do the most offensive thing in the world, and I would still probably find him adorable and want to pinch his cheeks.  Reading Tucker Max's stories, but picturing Adam Devine instead of Tucker, has transformed the book from a pile of piggish and depraved acts, into a charming and hilarious series of misadventures.  It basically reads like one epicly long episode of Workaholics now, and I couldn't be happier.  Now that's what I call money well spent.  "Let's get weird!"

Jon Stewart's Interview with Malala Yousafzai

This is an awesome interview.  How Malala Yousafzai didn't win the Nobel Peace Prize is beyond me.  She is brilliant--and only 16!  Totally makes me want to time travel back to 2006, find 16-year-old me, grab her by the sidebraid, and suggest she spend a little more time hitting the books, and a little less time Googling shirtless pictures of Chad Michael Murray.  Ah, youth...

Musical Beers

This is one of the funniest videos of all time.  (Possibly because I have the sense of humor of a 19 year old boy.)  Regardless, search "Mail Order Comedy" on YouTube for a bunch of other awesome and hilarious old videos from the stars of Workaholics.  I sometimes waste 20 minutes of my day doing this, though it could be argued that time spent laughing is never wasted. :)

The Future is Upon Us

All you iPhone and iPad users, check out the "Actable" app from Quad Graphics.  It is so crazy cool, and so futuristic, it makes the Jetsons look like cavemen. (Yes, even the robot nanny.)

I don't think any description I write could do it justice, so just check out the video.  Seriously awesome.

Meanwhile, I will be crying in a corner with my Android.  Sigh.

An Open Letter to Hogwarts

Dear Hogwarts,

I am rather disgruntled to inform you that I have not yet received my letter of acceptance to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy, and as it is well beyond my 11th birthday (I am now 23 years old) I have grown a bit concerned.

Despite repeated attempts to contact you over the last 12 years, I have heard nothing, and to be frank, I am so angry I could spit hinkypunks! Friends try to abate my anger and frustration. "No fears Joge, your letter is coming", they reassure me. "Perhaps Hogwarts can't find your address?" To those friends, I say: doubtful. If you people can remember something as specific as "cupboard under the stairs", then surely "just around the corner from the Burger King" shouldn't be too difficult.

What is it then? Was my video application too over-the-top for you guys? I know the smoke machines were probably a bit much, but you have to admit, my a capella rendition of "Double, Double, Toil and Trouble" was nothing short of spectacular. And as you can see from my costume selection, I look darling in scarlet and gold, though I would settle for green and silver if necessary. I draw the line at black and yellow though--I'm all for school spirit, but I would honestly rather snog a dementor than write my friends back home that I'm a Hufflepuff. Seriously.

As Albus Dumbledore once said, "Don't count your owls before they are delivered." I suppose I am guilty of just that, and yet, I cannot bring myself to keep from trying one last time. I realize that starting classes now would mean I would be double the age of the other witches and wizards in my year, but I promise, it won't be that weird. I'll be like that cool older student that everyone looks up to and wants to get a butterbeer with...like Hogwarts' very own Van Wilder! (I know, I know, crap movie, but Ryan Reynolds was undeniably lovable in it!)

Well, I suppose I've done all I can for now. If you still refuse to acknowledge my inquiry, I will be forced to resort to wand-induced violence. So please, I implore you, just send me my acceptance letter already. I really don't want to go all "sectum sempra" on your magical derrieres, but I will do what I must to enjoy the magic that I so desperately seek.

Sincerely,
Joge
(Just Around the Corner from the Burger King)

(originally published at http://sincerelyjoge.blogspot.com/2012/02/dear-hogwarts.html)

An Open Letter to a Fallen Friend

Dear Fallen Friend,

Where did you go? Have I done something to offend you, perhaps a grievous offense I am not even aware of? Whatever the case, please come back...

The day started like any other, and I whistled contentedly as I hunkered down at my computer and signed into Facebook. The plan: check notifications, respond to some fan mail, catch up on my Words with Friends games (I will beat you if it is the last thing I do Mark Hendricks--you know who you are.) Not part of the plan: noticing with horror and dismay that my number of Facebook friends had dwindled from 547 to a paltry 546.

I just want to know why. But, as Mark Zuckerberg has not created a "Delete Friend--Provide Reason--Final Goodbyes" type application, I suppose I am left to ponder the reasons in solitude.

Was it my excessive status updates relating to frozen waffles? I've been meaning to cut back on those (the updates, not the waffles), but they are so delicious that I sometimes feel the need to share my enthusiasm with the world. Is that a crime? If so, lock me up, and throw me some wet naps, because my fingers are still a little sticky from the maple syrup.



No, I'm sure it wasn't the waffles. Perhaps then, my listening preferences on Spotify have irritated you. I realize listening to "Ms. New Booty" 15 times in a row is a bit much, and that it could be construed as a somewhat offensive song, but I swear, it's just the beat of the song that I like, and I in no way endorse the misogynistic undertones of the lyrics, on that you have my word.

Or maybe it was the poking. It is so hard to convey tone on the internet, but I assure you, the pokes were intended to be playful, not agressive--I'm not a monster!

Whatever the reason, I just hope that we can work things out soon, and become "Facebook friends" once again. I know we only met a few times in highschool, and I haven't seen you since, but does that mean I should no longer be allowed to wish you a "happy birthday xo", or peruse your "Bahamas 2012-WooHoo" album for a few hours? What kind of friend are you anyway?

Sincerely,
Joge


(originally published at http://sincerelyjoge.blogspot.com/2012/02/dear-fallen-friend.html)
(also featured on HelloGiggles! http://hellogiggles.com/dear-fallen-friend)

7 Signs I'm Turning Into a 19 Year Old Boy

1.       Nutrition
I see no problem with cold pizza for breakfast.  If anything, I see a problem with not having cold
 pizza for breakfast.

2.       Catchphrases
In my opinion, no night of mayhem has truly begun until one of the following phrases has been
uttered: “Let’s get weird!” or “Who’s ready to let the dogs out?”  Bonus points if this is followed
 up by an energetic fist pump.

3.       TV Preferences
Given the choice between a Keeping Up with the Kardashians marathon or a Family Guy
marathon, the answer will always be Family Guy.  Always.

 

4.       TV Preferences Continued
Following that vein, I see absolutely nothing wrong with killing an entire hour watching “Bird is
 the Word” compilations on YouTube.

5.       Fashion Decisions
Faced with the choice between sandals or socks, my answer will always be a resounding,
“Both!”  The marriage of 2 of the most comfortable forms of footwear is something that should
be celebrated, not mocked!

6.       Movie Obsessions & Love of All Things Will Ferrell
I have spent more time lately fantasizing about Anchorman 2 than my own future wedding day.
(Fingers crossed Paul Rudd will be present for both!)

7.        Means of Self-Expression
Prefacing a fist bump with the phrase, “Knuckle up for safety!” is something I have done no
fewer than 4 times this week.  I’m not ashamed.

 

7 Activities Jennifer Lawrence & I Will Enjoy Together Once We’re BFF’s

    
     So I haven’t met Jennifer Lawrence yet, but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before we bump into each other at a Starbucks, or our dogs’ leashes tangle up with one another as we are jogging through the park (note to self: buy dog), and we instantly click, sparking the most adorable lady-friendship the world has ever seen. (Move over Tina and Amy!)  When that moment comes, I want to be armed with an arsenal of activities that Jen and I can bond over.  So, without further ado, here are 7 Activities Jennifer Lawrence & I Will Enjoy Together Once We’re BFF’s!

 

 

1.       Dancing

Everyone knows nothing says BFF’s like synchronized lady dancing with your bestie.  Not sure what song Jen and I will use yet, but I’m leaning towards “Time after Time,” a la Romy & Michele’s High School Reunion.

 

2.       Hanging out with Emma Stone

Jen and I will need to surround ourselves with friends who aren’t intimidated by our hilarious senses of humor and deep throaty laughs.  Enter: Emma Stone.

 

3.       Laughing over our Academy Awards

In true BFF style, Jen and I will share in each other’s triumphs and failures (mostly triumphs).  What better way to enjoy your recently earned Academy Award then by hamming it up for the cameras with your other lady-half?  I imagine she will even mention me in her acceptance speech, whilst a single, glistening tear streams down her face.  I digress…

 

4.       Training for marathons

Fitness experts always say you’re more likely to stick to your exercise routine if you have a workout buddy to hold you accountable.  Jen and I will run 5ks together all the time, and maybe even train for a marathon one day.  Hopefully, I won’t be wearing a garbage bag in any of these scenarios…

 

5.       Hunting in the woods

I’m iffy on this one, as I’ve dabbled in vegetarianism and don’t exactly fit the aggressive, hunter personality type.  But you know what?  For Jen, I’m totally there.

 

6.       Going out on the town

What with all our jogging, dancing, and hunting wild game with primitive tools, Jen and I will need the occasional “night about town” to let off some steam and enjoy our 20s, BFF style!

 

7.       Wearing matching hairstyles

And of course, nothing says “You’re my best friend and no one quite compares to you, I’m so thankful to have you in my life” like spunky, matching side braids.

 

Spotlight on Sisters: 5 Sister-Sister Duos I Love

 

5. Dakota & Elle Fanning
Doesn’t get cuter than the Fanning sisters.  I will perpetually think of them as tiny little girls, but apparently they’re 19 and 15 now, which makes me feel, oh, about a thousand years old.  I digress…

4. Tia & Tamera Mowry

The original Sister-Sister duo, the Mowry twins have come a long way since the days of their floppy-hatted, denim-clad child stardom.  Their E! reality show is pretty entertaining too, though it shocked me initially to learn that they did not actually meet as teenagers in a department store. (Who knew?!)

 

 

3. Kate & Rooney Mara

I’ve loved these two individually for a while, but didn’t piece together that they were sisters until about a week ago, and it was the best discovery ever!  Both super-talented, both native New Yorkers, I am loving this sister-sister combo.

 

 

2. Emily & Zooey Deschanel

Love Bones, love New Girl, love these two lovely ladies—even if I struggle with the pronunciation of their last name on a daily basis. (When in doubt, just replace “Deschanel” with “Dave-Chapelle”—close enough.)

 

 

1. Kate & Pippa Middleton

One of my favorite dynamic duos, these two have won the genetic lottery—Kate causing hair envy amongst women everywhere with her enviable tresses, and Pippa bringin’ the thunder with a badonkadonk buzz-worthy enough to warrant its own Facebook fan-page.

 

Bonus: Me & My Sissie--Love that lady!
 

Top 5 Things that Made me Smile Today

5. This picture of Jason Segel rapturously biting into a burger.  Because it’s hilarious, and because I’m pretty sure it’s the exact face I made when I bit into a piece of apple pie crust a few minutes ago. Yummy alert!

4. This video of Smallpools hijacking a public piano and playing an awesome, stripped-down version of “Dreaming.”  Security guards be damned!

3. This picture.  I’ve been setting this picture as the background on a number of people’s laptops and computers lately, and it always elicits positive responses.  Bewildered expression, messy hair, fingers covered in olives—what’s not to love?

2. This old blog post of mine that was featured on Hellogiggles.  Not even trying to be self-promotional here (well maybe just a smidgen) but I really do reread this occasionally, and it still makes me giggle—one of my favorite things I’ve written.  Plus, the idea that it might somehow ignite an adorkable bff relationship between Zooey Deschanel and me always puts a smile on my face.

1. And number one by far is this little girl’s birthday message to her mom—the cutest thing I’ve seen, maybe ever.  She has set an extremely high bar for my future children.